Life Tenets

Living for something, standing for anything; believing in a principle. Honor demands it, humans, without it, fall into disarray. Try these two:

LOVE any work chosen. Treasure each day's product. Wake with purpose, with anticipation, with an eager drive to get to that which fills the day. Be certain that tasks undertaken are right with the Universe; are fulfilling a good purpose.

Determine that everyone wins. That is - if damage, hurt, or angst is caused to any living creature or the environment, by whatever is undertaken by any individual or group, leave it. Right then, no matter the monetary loss, no matter the status given up; no matter what.

Take no prisoners when it comes to ethics, character, honesty. Gain at the expense of any of these must be tainted with deceit. Know that what is done in the dark will come to the light -- as many willful wrong-doers have learned -- the hard way.

Crank It Up

The volume at least, or speed -- maybe widen territory, direction -- just move from dead center. Change is good. Creative thinking translates into doing things differently. Let it flow. Take a good, hard look at life as you see it. Make no judgments, take no prisoners. Comparisons out the window. Simply dream a new dream, write a new script, head down another path. Risky behavior is stimulating, exciting. Moss won't grow on a rolling stone. New adventures await, tarrying not allowed.  What, exactly, is there to lose except boredom, sameness, routine, stress, frustration?

Finding Essence

Who are we? That person experienced by bouncing off those around us, the 'us' we see reflected in our family's estimation? Our friends' opinions and ideas? Community involvement? A career, or some other accomplishment? Just who are we, in all actuality?

It is an intriguing thought - that one which would be another path to another place; where no one, nothing is familiar or known. Begin anew.

No family of origin, no children, no old friends, no history at all. Make it as we go. Find out exactly who we became because of where we were placed on the planet. See if we would like to continue to be that . . . or we might rather form other, more interesting composites.  Adaptation can also be creative.

Tolerance

Tolerance. Of any and all, save doing harm to another living creature ... which includes this very alive planet. How can we expect hate groups to vanish if we are actively, mindlessly hating anyone and everyone who disagrees with our opinions?  Not going to happen. Our opinions are just that, ours. Universal 'right' hasn't been effectively established. So remember -- 'right' is to others as they decide; if harm is done as a result of those beliefs and actions, then zero tolerance. Cruelty is unnecessary and we must turn our energies and effort to methods which abolish it.

Falling in the Same Old Holes

Beware of endlessly talking about anything which seems painful, entering it daily, storing it carefully away before sleep. Renewing it on arising. Having no one to talk to (not with) is sometimes a saving grace. It is necessary when indulging a constant need to display circular thinking. Captive audiences, even collusion from well-meaning friends -- or enemies who secretly relish and encourage the pain and agony they get to witness.

But . . . this is going to require courage, not destructiveness.  Because that's tenuous . . . drastic, going to an edge to excise, purge. I think some methods are more blatant than others, but they are possible to see, sans self-delusion.  Curling around life like a deadly chem-fog or mosquito repellant spray in the evening, spewing poison from a truck, foiling one problem by creating others.

Just move on. Give equal press to studying the horizon. Concentrate less on avoiding holes than on finding another reality.  Really.  Truly.  There will be a last go-around that finally does it. Not regarding usual shenanigans, of course, always front and center at the outset -- at the end, finally subjective. Breaking free.  Of ourselves.

Do not believe yourself if there is unpleasantness present.  This is the most important sentence I've ever written.  Or thought. It could be the most important group of words EVER written.

Soul Response

Response from the soul. Clear whisper of intuitive direction ... accessed only with acceptance, with faith. Believe guidance which comes from sources outside the mind.

Practice going within. Quiet meditation, peace. Flow begins there. Soon, enigmas disappear. All is clarity, no contrived chaos.  Tumult cannot exist, life ebbs and rolls with waves of compassion.

It is the compass -- accurate, dependable. Recognizable with instant connection. Know its presence, honor its power. 

Musing

Today on relationships ... of all types. What really is the secret behind a match made in heaven, a perfect union, any two people who can be happy with each other, sans combativeness, contentiousness, jealousy, envy, awry emotions? What is it?

Observance is spotty, sketchy. We see this, we think that. We believe our perceptions are accurate, we find out at some random point they weren't. Are we wearing blinders? Do we simply blot out everything except our own scripts? And have we been making these up as we go?

I AM LEFT WITH ONE IDEA.  Fantasy. We must find those who share our personal fantasies, since nothing we see or create around us is truly real. We cannot enter any fantasy which does not match our own ... on pain of treachery, or attack, or some sort of disaster, or any combo of those three.

So how does this look? Can we ask a person we meet if our fantasies work? Ha. Of course not, because unless personal agendas blend well, there is playacting from the outset. It seems more prudent (sensible) to spend our time sharpening our own skills, making sure we can be alone and still meet our chosen responsibilities. Then we are not suddenly blown off course by another's defection from the initial bargain. Or even if so, we can move on without shattering entire lives in the process. Beginning with our own, of course. Those connections, forged so strongly as we go along, can be removed (disconnected) easily, with minimal destructive action.

Why do we make these tight, inflexible unions which, when they are no longer workable, must then be the end of someone's world also? With victims and villains, shame/blame, remorse, guilt, accompanied by deadly drama? Gad.

We are rigid creatures, indeed. We may also be obtuse, mislead, densely constructed neurologically, and/or largely unconscious.

Create a Life

Decide what creates the happiest feelings within your heart. What is it that makes the heart quicken, the mind spark, motivation appear?

Do that. Find as many paths toward this life as possible ... trod each one determinedly until reaching the goal. Let nothing distract, deflect.

Listen only to your own heart. Accept no substitutes, learn as much about your own needs and desires as possible. Take yourself there.

Rhythms II

Life rhythms. Adding strains of music some cannot hear. Frogs, crickets, wind. Undercurrents of energy, ebbing, flowing. Fountains, creeks. Rhythmic renderings, background melodies . . . rise and fall of life support which we cannot acknowledge, for we do not experience it fully. Senses dulled by choice, those of taste and sight geared to technology, instant pleasure. Silence. Preferable.

Consider barely discernible solutions -- to angst, stress, unhappiness.  Think of rhythm . . . rhythm of life, refrains we cannot 'hear' with an auditory sense; melodies which flow easily around and through daily routines, among which so many merely exist, crying 'responsibility' to the bitter end.
 

These little songs are often hastily, unwittingly composed.  Dashing a few bars off, throwing them out there to waft along randomly, along with frantically structured, tightly wound requirements.

This beat is not going to pound great, exciting bass lines in the ear.  It will, however, disrupt, explode, and derail smooth living patterns regularly, over and over.  Or it will settle in and around all others, loved ones, friends, co-workers, pets, those valued allies from whom we need acceptance and unconditional love.  This soothing piece of music can create peace and serenity, acceptance, love and silence.  All souls thrive in the midst of safe repose.
 

A bit similar to the Pied Piper in its long-term demands, after prolonged periods of disharmony, this little song can and will change its tune.  Suddenly, it may appear to become incompatibility (dreaded, tedious condition), domestic violence, verbal abuse, or infidelity.  Even at this breakdown stage, when recognized and acknowledged, it will also respond to composition edits, even to a symphony of sounds, so long as all instruments are reading the same music.
 

We just cannot really hear it.

Rhythms

Consider barely discernible solutions -- to angst, stress, unhappiness.  Think of rhythm . . . rhythm of life, refrains we cannot 'hear' with an auditory sense; melodies which flow easily around and through daily routines, among which so many merely exist, crying 'responsibility' to the bitter end.

These little songs are often hastily, unwittingly composed.  Dashing a few bars off, throwing them out there to waft along randomly, along with frantically structured, tightly wound requirements.

This beat is not going to pound great, exciting bass lines in the ear.  It will, however, disrupt, explode, and derail smooth living patterns regularly, over and over.  Or it will settle in and around all others, loved ones, friends, co-workers, pets, those valued allies from whom we need acceptance and unconditional love.  This soothing piece of music can create peace and serenity, acceptance, love and silence.  All souls thrive in the midst of safe repose.

A bit similar to the Pied Piper in its long-term demands, after prolonged periods of disharmony, this little song can and will change its tune.  Suddenly, it may appear to become incompatibility (dreaded, tedious condition), domestic violence, verbal abuse, or infidelity.  Even at this breakdown stage, when recognized and acknowledged, it will also respond to composition edits, even to a symphony of sounds, so long as all instruments are reading the same music.

We just cannot really hear it.

Looking the Other Way

How simple it is to observe people looking the other way . . . when betrayed, or attacked, or mistreated in the many ways these hurtful actions can be applied.  More difficult by far is seeing ourselves in this role -- the victim, the martyr, the One Who Is Wronged.

It may be similar to feeling that one is drowning -- if there is a straw floating nearby, grabbing for it would not be out of the question in that kind of panic.  No available options create illusory possibilities . . . any port in a storm, a mirage in the desert.  Just make up something, all cannot really be lost.

In relationships, looking the other way is at base denial.  If it isn't acknowledged, then it isn't real and that wave of pain and desertion won't wash over like a tsunami, leaving a wasteland when it recedes.  Just make up a story, any story . . . or accept one which the offending party is spinning, and it's all okay.

This condition appears pitiful and sad to those who have no emotional stock in the situation.  While using lies may appear to be life-saving at the moment -- think false hope pinned to a slippery slope.  In truth, it is a questionable remedy, a soothing temporary balm on deep wounds which can be life-threatening, but most certainly are severely damaging. 

Give it Some Thought

It is predictable to assume that most events which occur in a person's life are met with a headlong rush to gain control over those . . . to remain the center of the action.  It seems only right to want top billing in any production we join.

So -- before employing any and all methods available which can be used to wrestle it all to the ground, think whether or not this particular happening deserves the time, strength and energy required to bring it down.

The next time a crisis must be met, it may be smarter, not to mention simpler, to employ the intellect . . . a great mediator, since it tends to remain free of emotion, that unreasoning, flamingly reactive responder which is famous for clouding good judgment.

Just . . . give it some thought.

Lashing Out

Few can say with any accuracy or truth that losing control and lashing out has not been a part of life, at one time or another.  Strongly felt opinions, feelings of deficiency, resentment; even ideas of inadequacy or insecurity can trigger such outbursts.

The family pet, a significant other, an airline ticket agent, the car ahead of you in a drive-through may be unsuspecting targets . . . usually there are regrets, sometimes simply a satisfied, smug feeling of vindication.  In fact, this scenario, too often repeated within human interaction frameworks, is not just unnecessary but usually pointless except for venting frustration which has been allowed to simmer too long.

No one is responsible for someone else's state of mind.  This commonly held, randomly applied fallacy has caused so much unrest, unpleasantness, divisiveness, turmoil and even crime that perhaps it should be at least acknowledged, if not addressed with some interest.

When that angry, unreasoning energy arises the next time -- take a few moments to view it as a curious bystander might - is this simply a one-person show?  It may appear entirely different, to the point of interrupting a tirade which could escalate far past the issue which elicited its origin.  In other words, it could save the peace.

Attitude Reviews

Occasionally reviewing attitudes seems prudent -- a simple exercise, or so it would seem.  In actuality, attitudes are elusive mental states, difficult to identify, much less bring to a place of practical consideration.

It may be easier to begin with awareness - becoming truly knowledgeable about those judgments and ideas we hold so closely within our images of ourselves.  Do we really know what we have become?  Is it possible that our present anger, frustration, sadness, or discomfort begins with nothing more than an assumed, rigid attitude -- which can be modified/changed/discarded at will?

Examine personal  responses, reactions, and immediate, inflexible thinking -- occurrences which can illuminate an attitude problem.  Become comfortable with acceptance, calm observance, and a quiet mind.  Watch carefully for cues from others; sometimes the first indication that an attitude adjustment is advisable comes from the eyes and body language of others.  Reflect on interactions - casual ones, family matters, the clerk at a local drugstore; let these be helpful mirrors on the path to enlightenment.

Some of this will be painful, even shocking.  Change usually elicits some resistance -- employ love, forgiveness and patience -- rewards are great and enduring.

Going Within

Serenely reflecting on life, littered as it may sometimes seem -- with random dissatisfactions, distractions, uproar, dramas and inept decisions.  Daily living frameworks often carelessly created and constructed, frequently setting up a minefield of randomly detonated explosives – through which any journeys taken are naturally extremely stressful, full of apprehension.

Many cleverly created, fine dreams defining our worlds have potential to explode in the face -- bringing up the consideration that perhaps, during the spin phase, some very important facts may have been omitted.

 

Thoughtfully selected, chosen paths may provide a sense of real peace; that is, the feeling that all is well, one is appreciated and loved, and respected for all one’s efforts. In fact, perception determines this state of affairs. Remaining unmindful or unwilling to acknowledge that – the only time these wonderfully good things are present, randomly chosen others may not be. And moving along, armed with newfound wisdom and insight, it finally comes to mind:  why exactly did this (goal, person) seem indispensable in the first place?

It is sometimes difficult to clearly see, even with wisdom born of hindsight, that all the time – there are many choices. At any time, other, numerous paths are available.  So . . . take a deep breath, sit in repose, enter solitude for a small space of time, and think.  Chose decisions which contain real possibility for long-term value, for satisfaction.  It seems at least practical, and could also literally save your life.

 

Givers & Takers: The Nature of Need

Need wears many faces.  It is usually, or many times does become, also a form of control.  One’s health is the primary need which binds and ties those around us in a daily dance of ‘helping’ ‘caregiving’ or assisting the needy one in doing what it is that they’ve chosen to do.

It seems that it’s just an accident – health has been damaged, there’s been an accident, someone has some type of deficiency physically or mentally.  Often enough it is the actions of the needy one which has brought on the condition; and it is ALWAYS the series of life choices, occasionally destiny, which has landed them where they are in a position which must be constantly supported by others.  Then those unfortunate enough to be around get locked in to some type of servitude, whether or not there’s been (or can be) any free choice in the matter.

An indentured servant.  Unpaid most of the time, unless there’s a power play about housing or support.  Interdependence often forms an inequity of roles . . . one or more doing most of the giving to the central figure in the scenario.  A feeling of usefulness may become frayed to the breaking point -- tattered and torn -- after many months/years of expectations and demands with time and life energy going only toward the taker's requirements.

This is a severe, widespread life condition and someone must lose the larger part of their life to the cause.  Clearly seeing this is not so easy at times, as it morphs into many different forms, especially if the ‘user’ is clever at setting the situation up and executing it well.

Being helpful is great.  Doing for others is divine.  Caregiving is so essential . . . even at best, this entire country at least has marginally efficient techniques/solutions for most of it.  What to do?

If you are the giver, do be aware that your role is that of servant.  Now, spiritual guides tell us that this is required of us, to be a fully good human being.  Are there limits?  Should there be guidelines which take into account the quality of life of the giver, as well as the taker?  Is the taker not only infirm and needy, but controlling?  How can this be determined and what questions do we ask to accomplish that?

It’s a life conundrum.  Whether you are the giver or the taker, continued happiness, safety, comfort and quality of life depends on understanding exactly the position currently occupied, and remaining clear about the well-being of all parties concerned.

What is Community?

Recently a woman who has been a part of a small Tennessee community for most of her life died. She was at various times during her life a daughter, a girl scout, a student, a beauty queen, a wife and mother.  She had many friends and acquaintances in that little town through those years.

In the last few months, one friend in particular was faithful to take her food and necessities.  Just before her death, the City's utility department disconnected utilities to her home.  Temperatures reached the low 100s during that time.  How, in a small town where everyone is connected to someone and there were many who knew of her weakened condition, did something like this occur?  With all the town’s churches within a stone’s throw of her location, full of faithful Christians, where was even one Good Samaritan who questioned doing this procedure, much less carrying it out with no attempt to contact someone who could verify that this woman was still capable of taking care of herself, or able to conduct business at all?

The Bible instructs us to take care of our own, to treat others with the same consideration we would ourselves want to receive.  This woman would not, at this point in her life, have been able to generate new industry in her town, nor would she have been able to grab a headline, or create good publicity or more income for the city.  Her life had become simple and reclusive, and according to several people with whom she personally communicated over the past few months, she was honestly confused as to how that happened.  In short, help was drastically needed for her.

As this particular small town readies to celebrate its 100 year anniversary, perhaps a thought or two might be in order as to what it truly means to be aware – of its citizens, its responsibilities, the full, basic reason any community continues to exist in the first place.  Procedural process is necessary within any infrastructure, it is understandable and essential.  Application of rule without consideration of a human aspect, a moral evaluation, becomes at best mindless and at worst predatory.

While those around her went home each day to a cool, comfortable haven, this forgotten citizen perished – in deadly heat, without water, ignored and brushed off by the community in which she had spent most of her life.  We are responsible for each other.  This death surely will touch the hearts and minds of those who truly understand what has just happened.  When officials of any entity remove themselves from remaining solidly in touch with those they are privileged to govern, disaster is imminent.   No amount of applied authority can, or ever will, eliminate moral duty.

The Lackey Syndrome

A life dynamic seemingly created to fulfill personally selfish agendas, the ‘lackey’ syndrome consists of constant requirements or demands made by one or more people on others, an endless list of expectations which will consume the time and energy of another person -- often presented as mutually beneficial action, or as duty or obligation.  These needs will come to be inexhaustible . . . the supporter/lackey is expected to drop everything and attend to the wishes or directives given to them.

Often, some people become little ‘dictators’ in the sense that they really come to believe that others are their property – it is their own personal responsibility to direct and order the lackey around . . . if they meet with opposition, they are completely surprised or display hurt feelings, even sometimes becoming belligerent. These‘controller’ types consider this their ‘due’ – that they are being unreasonable or out of line will not occur to them until their chosen lackey decides to refuse the requirements.

Where and how do those who do this  acquire this behavior? For starters, someone else has allowed them to assume this mantle of king/queenship. This condition of life takes two or more. In most families, there is at least one set of these types. The more the lackey scurries around trying to cover all the bases set up by the controller, the less time and energy there is for the poor lackey’s own life – and the self-appointed dictator sees or acknowledges this not at all. Absorbing the lackey’s entire life into the controller’s web of never-ending scenarios seems natural.

Sometimes these controllers will take their need to run everything around them to great lengths, even to illness, or some type of inability to function completely themselves. Then things get really deep . . . there is now a real disability – and the lackey is now required to dance to an even more rapid drumbeat of need. The controller will happily usurp every facet of the lackey’s life and consider it his/her right to do so.

It is actually a type of servitude . . . appearing to be help, caregiving, assisting, supplying others with life essentials.  To the extent that both people understand and accept this situation, it may work – if there is a clear understanding of the fact that the needy one AND the lackey have lives and the right to live them. However, resentment can creep in, for both parties. It really seems that some people simply do not have any intention of being independently capable and functional in their lives; they want and will have someone else around to do their bidding, to perform the role they expect that person to play. And they do gladly write the scripts – handing these to the lackey with precise instructions. Players may be husband and wife, parent/child, siblings, even friends or community members. Deviation from assigned lines will elicit from the self-appointed director any response necessary to put down the rebellion and get things back in line so that the production can go on as written. All these dynamics can happen at a very subtle level . . . appearances may be deceiving.

The intriguing part of this is that no one in the situation seems to clearly see what is going on . . . that is, it is a mindless, robot-like existence for the unfortunate lackey, and a tightly wound, desperately gripped position for the controller. It’s lifeblood, the essence of what is needed for life. Refusal from the lackey will usually result in hurt feelings, manipulations of all types, anger, and even spiteful action from the controller, who may become indignant and wounded, perceiving that the lackey has betrayed some perceived ‘trust’ or violated their personal safety or integrity.

For the good of each person’s own mental/physical health, it seems beneficial to learn to recognize this uneven exchange of life energy early on, the better to avoid entering a semi-life of misconstrued slavery.

Prevention

Removing and/or restricting access to weapons seems similar to taking an alcoholic's bottles of liquor away . . . such hyper-alert watchfulness results in temporary assurance, necessitates constant, tedious monitoring, and is not at all likely to end any aberrant practice or end future self-destructive action by anyone bent on inflicting pain on others. Those who routinely imperil/destroy health, relationships, credibility or safety must become visible to society . . . before acting out in a deadly drama orchestrated within a disconnected mind. Thus, any user/perpetrator would appear to be a more reasonable object of focus when attempting to end violent attacks or binges than any weapon of choice.

Rather than obsessing about how to pass endlessly pedantic, unconstitutional legislation, then funding predatory, expensive efforts to enforce these, identify hate/fear stressors within society and address these . . . early on in childhood. Isolated, miserably misguided people are all around us; surely heightened awareness and compassion seem in order. Begin in primary schools . . . teach ethics, outline origins of prejudice, impart a sense of connection using formal educational programs.

Study and research behavior -- control of human action is impossible otherwise.

Virtual Horror

A feeling of horror, of injustice -- elicits shock.  Any sense of rightness, safety, or wellbeing is shaken when there is senseless killing, violent attack, or disruption of ours or others' lives.

Thoughtful observance brings even more deeply chilling information to mind . . . that is, the latest seemingly random act of brutality could have origins which may be connected to all of us.  To eager, absent-minded, even mild acceptance of virtual depictions of gruesome, angry behavior -- as entertainment.   What in actuality entertains the mind when viewing bloody destruction of other people, animals, or property . . . and how does this qualify as worthwhile use of anyone's time?

If intelligent, thinking people occupy their time and minds with increasingly brutal, shocking representations -- high resolution, full screen, deadly fantasies -- why then be surprised when these impact our own lives in living color?